The most heard concern between people nowadays is about people's hearts and feelings' change, someone's changed or acts differently, why is that? They were not like that before. I don't understand their reasons, I can't even see a reason for it!
People change and so does life. But what changes first, I'm not sure! Is it the life that changes fast to the extent of altering people's values and characters? Or is it people who modify their intentions according to their needs that they become very distant from their known selves?
Is it pain that makes them confused about their behaviors? Has trust, feeling secure, being kind, and expressing sincere feelings been hard to be maintained? Are greed, anger, darkness, ignorance, and fear the ones dominating now?
Some situations force us to be different, but how different we become and how bad we are affected is what matters. Also, how long we are going to be manipulated by the outer circumstances, counts. There is a very thin thread between what we are compelled and what we are choosing to do. From time to time, we think, have we exceeded our limits? Are we going over boar with them? Are we closer to that thin thread? Should we change, go back, or just go forward for some time and see?
Talking about reasons, there are plenty of them that can't be described in a few words. People change, and I change because they have their lives I didn't experience and I do too because my life is totally different from anybody else.
Look into your heart and find your own reasons
Before judging others and seeing their behaviors as sins, there is one step you have to try first. Open your heart and take a look into it. Are you normal? Have you changed too? Is it too bad that it needs a firm action or just a temporary disturbance that can be handled at any time? Too many questions are there to ask yourself, this is because you need to be honest first.
For me, I tend to go out of the ordinary when I feel wronged that I may hurt other people's feelings. Sometimes I don't understand the feelings of someone else in a certain situation and I have to admit that because it hurts a lot. It takes me some time to know how it feels to be in their shoes. This may happen so many times that I start to act like that for a while. Having like numb feelings of what I am and immersed in another character that is very far from me.
Explore others' causes and look into your heart again
Just like you had a peep into your inner self, try to see what you can in others'. I know that it hurts that someone's feelings to be reciprocated with selfishness and may be setbacks. However, if this was out of the ordinary from that one, then there must be a reason. And that cause may be staying for a while that the changes are too deep.
Maybe it's severe pain that wasn't explained, or extreme shock that wasn't faced properly, or maybe a scar that wasn't mended properly that keeps on aching! Such emotions can turn someone into a brand new one you may not be able to recognize. There may also be a reason that you cannot even see or feel.
Looking into my heart again, I came to see that if I love and care for these people, I will try to get what is even not comprehendible. I would try to find as many excuses as I can and if there are no more excuses for them, I would say there must be something I don't know that's very well hidden.
Actually, I'm not that kind of patient but I'm trying to improve myself to be a one. If I try to do this and you try to do this too, then our circles will become warmer and more friendly, right?
What would be your turning point?
The fault is within you or him or her. I can control my thoughts and behaviors more than anybody else. Then, I should start with myself. What would make me regain my inner peace and good behaviors?
In such times, people turn to what they believe, they may waver but their turning points are always their beliefs. What you strongly believe in and follow all your life will be the empowering force that will return you to normal.
For me, I have my religion as a Muslim to correct me when I go far in the wrong direction. I keep telling myself to wake up and try to be rational rather than emotional. You are overreacting, you are over-thinking, things are simpler than what you see right now, people have their own struggles that I don't have to know to understand, I keep telling myself that.
God is watching you and He will be guiding you, just a little more faith dear. I recall my good virtues and what has been making me the girl I am. People used to love me for being more kind and understanding and for those people I love, I can't disappoint them or myself more.
Sometimes, I read about people who are leaders whether in Islam or in the world generally. How they could manage to overcome their hard moments and what their weapons were for gaining that much strength, I love to read the most about that. Even things that have no direct relation with my situation are of big help.
Reading about other people's stories of success and failure enriches me with things I could never know by myself because their life and mine are not the same.
Now, be positive when dealing with the change
Now, it's time for action. You've got into the root of this, and you fully got it in general. You have changed, and they are changing too. You might have been better or worse, but their behaviors hurt you. As much as you care, you will be able to endure using the right attitude. You may want to talk about it or just find a good strategy to keep the pace until their struggles are over. Just try to be positive.
Now, my life is not perfect, and my emotions are not stable. I have my people of family and friends. By the times I was not myself, I may have hurt someone or even scarred someone deeply while thinking I am normal, and nothing is weird about me.
Thinking who was by my side back then, and who could bear with me back then, I got it now. The most important person in my life is always me, so when comparing their situations to mine, I will find my peace of mind.
Ah, I was like that too once before, then why wouldn't I be more lenient with them in similar situations right now? Being positive and rational will make it look like a test I have studied well for and I am already answering the questions with confidence and conviction.
No one is perfect. Try to focus on the positive and you will be a winner.
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